Sunday, August 17, 2014

2 disclaimers and 1 theory

The disclaimers first:
The views expressed herein are solely of the author, though not necessarily biographical.
The theory does not testify one particular case but is based on careful observations of multiple cases with similar outcomes. Includes friends, relatives, movie stars, public figures, politicians.

So guys, I do first what all do last. I have written the disclaimers. Now I can peacefully propound my theory without having to worry about people shaking their heads and saying, "nah! what does she think? whoever heard of such stuff and believed it to be true? not i not i." to which I have a very famous parallel from one of the most popular reading books of all times- Robin Hood..." who killed cock robin? who saw him die?"

So first it is diamonds and cadillacs (or some other very chic car or precious rocks that are in fashion now) and all summer moonshine and they are buying gifts for each other. This seems to get boring because the richer you grow the lesser is the significance of these gestures- you have the money at all times so why do you need to wait for an occasion to give a gift? Especially when you can do it everyday, or even twice a day. Or even more.

And you experience diminished value for the gifts given solely because you do not have the time to appreciate them. They lie on your dressing table or somewhere and gather dust. You do not use them because where is the time to douse that perfume or wear that dress? Sometimes the gifts just stop because there is no time for each other. And when the gifts stop coming you notice the gap. You then say that it doesnt matter as long as you love me, or you say that you miss those little gifts that used to bring stars in your eyes. It is always a delight to receive gifts, isnt it? You might just protest a wee bit so as not to sound greedy, but you loved those gifts because they told you that someone cares.

There are times when you tend to disgree on music or people or perhaps movies- then one day you realize that consensus on food ordering when eating out becomes more of a tussle. Its probably because you have forgotten what you like to eat together. its also because you have forgotten what your spouse/parent/child likes and you are rigid about your own preferences. Going out is rendered unpleasnt because you disagree on where to go and what to do. Watch a movi or sit at home and enjoy tennis tournaments? Go to a hill station over the weekend or plan a beach holiday? Or not go out at all and have a party at home?

 You sit up and wonder how to take this... is it alarming or am I overreacting? But what never happened in 22 years or 48 years or whatever years may happen now- its not easy but a foregone conclusion.The foregone conclusion is that you come home feeling estranged. Not hungry but dissatisfied. Not unhappy but worried. Not angry but alarmed. You still want to do things together but the enthusiasm is missing.

It is time for operation salvage. Enhanced sensitivity for each other; increased concern and care. What you have built up over these 22 years or whatever number of years may suddenly be feeling threatened. You may experience withdrawl or you may feel like retaliation. Of these, withdrawl is more dangerous. Retaliation still manages to assert itself and demand attention, but withdrawl is like slow poison. It makes you indifferent to the point of no return. Let things be, it says. who cares, it says. it doesnt matter, it says. Lots of times, retaliation is taken as very bourgeoise and LS while indifference is snobbish, HS and the in thing. But both are equally powerful tools for bringing a relationship to its logical conclusion.

We all live differently and we all die differently. The one thing common to all is the opportunity to make our lives worthwhile, which again, each one does differently. We listen to the whispers and get rid of grey areas. Or we ignore all whispers and dwell in ignorance. "who killed cock robin? Not I not I..."