Wednesday, September 14, 2011

attitude

I was just photographing the latest additions to our home to send to our son and daughter on email. They both live away from us and we see them probably twice or thrice every year.

Twice they come home and once we try to go across if we have the money and the time.

It is always a feeling of happiness when we are together; but good things always seem to rush past us.When one good thing rushes out, it takes a while for the next good thing to come our way. The break in between allows us to understand how precious those moments are, when we are together. And when, in between, we are just the two of us, we spend our time enjoying the togetherness. When we are the four of us, we spend our time enjoying the togetherness.

Just in case you thought so, the repeated phrase is not a misprint- it is a writers licence to express something very close to her heart. I enjoy fully, whether we are just the two of us, or all four; is what I mean.

All things are not the same, all the time. Paradigms change but sometimes our approach does not. Thats when the problems begin. I can sit around and pine for my kids when they are away - I can also sit around and get bored at home because now there are no tiffins to be made and no kids to drop to bus stops or no office to go to.

Or I can just grumble about how all my plans and schedules go for a six when the people are visiting. But I prolly can also stick to my schedules and share with them honestly about what I can do for them and what I cannot. I hate to say no, but I am able to say, I can do this much. I do not give them false impressions and then curse behind their backs. I love each one too much to do something grudgingly for them. Whatever I do, I do with my heart and soul; otherwise I do not. My vocabulary honors the term, 'cannot' but shuns the phrase 'will not'. Though I often wish that everything could be ' dai kha' ('can do') but there are just 24 hours in a day and there is just me, so I have to make a compromise.

I can also think about how people get in the way and make me miserable, though I try not to; but this is a genuine grouse and I hate to admit it. Why cant they be happy and allow me to savor my happiness?

Let me not get into this. Getting out of this mode is very difficult. Where was I? Children coming home.... i so look forward to it. Everyday I think of what all we are going to do when we are together. Its a celebration of all the good things we have been blessed with. Including bowling alleys which are a gift of urbanization. This time, I am sure we will all go to a bowling alley and bowl ourselves silly! Maybe go paintballing if we can, and drive our washing machine round the bend.

I need a haircut but do not have the time. My hair looks ugly, to put it mildly. What am I doing? I dont work, I dont cook, I dont send kids to school, I dont clean. But I am busy. Writing nonsense if nothing else. I tried writing sense and no one liked it. For a change, I also fly kites.I love to gamble; poker for instance.I am still perfecting the art of winning in blackjack.....it keeps me busy.

There are times when I bake, and times when I make the most absurd soups- i remember making a broccoli and corn soup and even had the guts to send it to one of the recipe loading sites- they never published it. I continue to make it and friends and family like it.

I love every minute of my life and would not feel deprived if I were to die this very minute- I have lived by taking with a smile, whatever has come my way. Life has not always been good to me but I have allowed it to be bad so that moments of joy become more precious. I would not change anything for the world! Except, maybe, my hairstyle!