Thursday, November 25, 2010

my date with spiritualism

An outcome of a discussion I participated in, at my friend's house. This one's for you, Anu!

After returning from the discussion, I had a date with my thoughts, or can we say, mind, this afternoon. Just me and my thoughts. And I feel on top of the world at this moment.I feel like I belong more than ever; and that its worth going through all the trouble of living this life because the whole experience enriches and prepares me for the next quantum leap into my future.I also feel that I have researched by speaking honestly and truthfully to my mind and found so many absolutely new, unexpressed paradigms in a deep dark unexplored ocean surrounded by submerged paradoxes and gestalts.And all these threaten to shape my destiny- because what you do and how you live life shapes your destiny!
You will be surprised to know what I found... I found a sea of unexpressed, hitherto kept hidden true stories. Stories on how I feel about religion, views on how I interpret the Supreme Being, my belief in the LHC(Large Hadron Collider) or even how much I respect Darwin. Even found stories about my secret aspirations to become an occult- a soothsayer, a crystal ball gazer. Somewhere in between was the thought of wearing a raw silk sari with a big red bindi and making millions!:)
How I look at ethics also was discussed with my mind- and why cooking with love tastes better was thrown up for discussion inside my head.
Often logic confronted idealistic thinking, and reason confronted emotions. So obviously, the head confronted the heart. Somewhere in the middle of all this, spirituality gave a tiny call for attention. Why are we here and what are we doing? I don't know where I am coming from, and I don't know where I am going. All I know is, that while I am here, would it be good to make it worthwhile? Now this is what I call truly universal- is it necessary to attach religion to this one? Yes said the head, because that will make people sit up and take note- the fear of God, as they say. Why asked the heart- can we not all try to become better human beings without the imposition of this fear?
Epics chronicling the births and lives of Gods and Kings and humans and all things living way before our times flashed in my mind- they are rich sources of history and what was then, but what about the ideological conflict? Did the people who chronicle the life and times ever think that their hard work would have a negative impact on the modern world- their descendants? it might lead to dissent or worse?
"It is always easier to recall things and events that happened, and learn from them.... is that it?" asked the heart. "No, silly, it goes much beyond that- knowledge rules, you know." The head believed that compulsion was a necessary input for discipline.Love is food for the soul, the heart said. Eternal love is eternal food,it followed. Love is abstract, the head said. How about some substance, so the epics?

My subconscious was totally puzzled. I clean forgot my coffee... or perhaps it was the chicken soup? Whereabouts will this lead us, I ruminated..... it did not take me long! How do I want to be? How would I interpret spirituality? ....or religion? Would I look at it in isolation from the rest of my life? Or would spirituality be an intrinsic part of everything I do or say? That was a decision I took, while dating my thoughts.

For me, spirituality is a way of life- it is not a list of must dos and must not dos; it is an amiable code of positive conduct which makes me more acceptable to my fellow human beings.

Spirituality is not just religion- it is a code of good conduct which propels an ordinary mortal towards a higher order.

Just how high the order is, I really do not know, but I should try to scale the path honorably is what I believe in.

My life would not be governed by the Gods and the Superhumans, but guided by them all. Each one has something to say- and they being of a higher order than I, there is every reason to listen to them and heed their words and use their advice wherever it applies to my life.Irrespective of where they belong and which religion they profess.

I do not know what lies at the other end- the stories that people write about the afterlife fascinate me- they do not scare me. I am curious, and I certainly do not disbelieve. But do I believe that I need another date with my thoughts to sort out this one!

I want to be a better human being- not really the best, because thats asking too much- there are definitely better people than I!And I look up to them as my role models. I simply want to understand how I can make my sojourn on this earth fruitful.

I have promised my thoughts, another date,and until such time, an effort to action the above.

I start by turning my eyes inwards- what do I see? I see values playing a critical role in achieving all the above- and values across this universe are pretty much the same, irrespective of who has stated them.

I also see selflessness as being a great accelerator.

Empathy can level out a lot of ruffles, I know.

Self motivation will catalyze the process.

And just so that ALL the theories about divinity, and evolution and religion and spiritualism can impact me in a positive way- thats how open my mind should be.

When I get out of this me and mine mode, I then see that there is a God up there, who is way above me and responds to any name that I am comfortable with. He is comfortable with whatever I call him and responds in a way that only a best friend can.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

shocking insight!

For someone so straightforward and not so full-of-frills as Sanjiv, my husband, it was simply a piece of brilliance. He summed up our life together in three basic time frames- the 0-25 years spent with parents, the 25-50 years that we will soon clear with flying colours and the grace of God, and the 50-75 years that we will enter to discover an extended piece of good luck and blessings if we gun for the next term which is 75 and above!
Years 25-50 have simply blinked us by- either we are fiercely in love or we are just not conscious about how time has passed while we have been busy. It is also possible that we do not want to admit that we are growing old! But we cannot have 22 and 20 year old children at 25 can we? Its difficult to find a reason for the fact that we have arrived at the second threshold all too soon…. To my mind it seems that we have been in so many places for short periods of time that we have simply forgotten how to count or keep track of time - had we stayed on in one place perhaps, it would have been different- we would have kept track of time and understood the meaning of living together for 25 years , and bringing up children too. What happened when and how invites the magic answer- we don’t know- it just happened! In bits and pieces, in spurts and jitters, amidst happiness and sorrow, peals and sobs, the years silently slipped by, maybe roared by, time was unobtrusive, always in the background and life seems so short now!And so much to accomplish!
Happiness is what happiness does. It makes me look all fresh and glowing, it makes Sanjiv smile without a reason- seldom have I heard him laughing out loud- when he is really happy he has this full laugh that shows up his perfect teeth so beautifully. Happiness also makes me look at my babies with wonder- are they really mine- these two beautiful specimens of humanity? My eyes cloud over when I am happy- I do so want to cry. For the simple reason that my heart wants to stop and freeze this moment but the moment does not have the time to stop or even heed our call. The moment just goes, and we are lucky to have such precious moments revisit us whenever we start feeling weighed down with the downs!
On why the years have blinked us by, I can attribute another reason- we did not get anything on a plate- we worked towards everything, be it love, wealth, lifestyle, work, whatever….. everything was hard to get, especially the near perfect way we wanted all that everything- it took its time and tried our patience- and the years spent on the effort sped past on wings!
The parting shot to this entire discussion of life in three frames from my really thoughtful husband lingers on in my mind-one of these days I will ask him why he has to dampen my spirits by saying something like the first two frames are near done-the third is about to begin! Well…just for that thought....cheers!