when i was just a little girl....

then life was simpler.....
I believed in people. When I smiled at them, it was one genuine smile. When I got angry, it was a real tantrum that I threw. There is nothing about my childhood that I would like to change..... except one thing. Why did it not go on forever?
WHY?

Today, when I bite back scathing replies and rude rejoinders, I hate myself. When I am polite while cursing under my breath with people I dislike, I want to cry.

When I was small, my views were not colored by who I was and where I belonged; I was a princess and thought like one- behaved like one. I did not have the time to get into nitty-gritties about who did what to whom, what went wrong and why I should think like everyone else does; all these were trifles against my bigger agenda which always reminded me to
enjoy my life and live it up
do not give if I dont like to, but then do not take away either
dont get carried away by momentous events- look at the trend long term
help when required, but do not impose
trust but do not take for granted
believe things when they happen; there are actually no prizes for guessing
love but do not smother
..... and I was happy.

Then soon I grew up.
I learnt to read between the lines; at times even learnt to not read the obvious!
It was so easy to misunderstand everyone else- only I was right, and everyone else was all wrong.
I started getting upset by trifling incidents- if someone did better than I did, I felt bad
If I was not the best dressed girl at any party, I felt low.
It was easier to believe the bad about other people than the good.
I was happier slandering than praising.

And in the process I learnt to be another self- the more balanced, but more artificial girl whom everyone would like and accept.
Life became so complex; I started feeling tired. where am I headed?
Yes, even today, I ask myself, 'where am I headed?'